New York Fashion Week Fall 2014


(Related: How to Attend New York Fashion Week)

New York Fashion Week Fall 2014: The Definitive Guide

by Pablo Avion

And now for the most comprehensive guide to New York Fashion Week Fall 2014 ever created by man!

Is Karlie Kloss secretly married to Leonardo diCaprio?

We don’t know!

Oh, if we only had some scintillating stories like you see in supermarket check-outs! “Brangelina,” meet “diKlossrio”! Mm, that needs a little work. Besides, isn’t that diCaprio story, like, really old? Oh well.

“Brangelina,” meet “diKlossrio”!

To be honest, we’ve been pretty busy with some gnats that apparently hatched in our bathroom. What’s that about? Are they coming from the sink? We totally don’t know! (We just found an article called “Why Are There Gnats In My Bathroom,” which we hope will help.)

Anyway, in the meantime, we present this super-important guide to New York Fashion Week Fall 2014!

What is New York Fashion Week 2014?

What is New York Fashion Week? That’s the first thing you may ask. And what on earth does it have to do with super-runway-model Karlie Kloss and the new Rolling Stones gorilla thing?

Karlie Kloss is in the Rolling Stones!

This, too, is important.

Patience, my friend. Because first:

How Fashion Week Works

First of all, New York Fashion Week 2014 follows closely on the heels of last year’s events, which were also called “2014,” which has to do with designer-collection delivery-time retail-cycles and whatnot. We’d love to explain it to you, but that would simply take too much time.

We can comfortably say it involves “stuff” like lunar cycles and maybe even circadian rhythms as described by the Mayans or possible the Druids, we sort of forget.

Fashion Week Cycles

How Fashion Week Works

Fashion Week Cycles


See, that wasn’t so bad! Those important charts simply mean that in this past Fall, they showed collections for the upcoming season, which will be Spring 2014, and so it was called “Spring 2014.” So in February of 2014, the collections for Fall 2014 will be shown!

(It also means, if Saturn is ascendant — now we need you to pay attention here — you’re going to have to square the transverse of the meridian to get the quotient that will accurately predict the day you’ll buy a great sweater that you’re never, ever going to wear! But we digress.)

You’re going to have to square the transverse if you want to predict the day you’ll buy a sweater you’ll never wear.

NY Fashion Week Fall 2014 Schedule

We’ll bet you want the 2014 Fashion Week “sched!” (That’s “cool-speak” for schedule! It’s pronounced “sked,” or maybe “skej,” we’re not really sure yet.)

Well, here it is! The schedule for 2014 Fashion Week NYC that hasn’t even been released! Enjoy!

Thursday, February 6, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
  • 10 AM – Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week shows
  • 11 AM – MILK Studios shows
  • Noon – 9 PM – Some designers at Spring Studio NYC, possibly … or not … we’ll be wondering about it in the meantime, though
  • 9 AM – More MB Fashion Week 2014 shows
  • 11 AM – MILK Studios has some cool events for people who are so cool you sort of avoid them
  • 5 PM – Some designers at Spring Studio or other TBA locales offsite
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
  • 10 AM – Neighborhood residents glower in a self-righteous rage
  • 12 PM – People get their picture taken in front of Lincoln Center, or at the NEW MB Fashion Week complex behind the midtown Burger King
  • 2 PM – The line to get your press pass finally starts moving after some mix-up on Day 1; you roast some beans in a tin cup
  • 8 AM – Someone convinces you they totally know the designer to see if they can sneak in
  • 4 PM – You "bond" with a cab driver, then learn he’s a horrible person
Monday, February 10, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
  • 11 AM – You wonder if Andy Warhol ever walked this way
  • 4:30 PM – If I "drag-select" from the bottom-up, will it paste in … upside down???
  • 6:45 PM – You’re totally hungry
  • 9 AM – You make a mental note to fumigate your suitcases after staying at your friend’s place in Astoria
  • 1 PM – There are even more great shows at Lincoln Center, and TBA offsite
  • 4 PM – Maybe I should deepen my meditation practice? Or take up felting?
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
  • 10 AM – Having to carry a backpack everywhere sort of ruins the glamorous vibe
  • 2:30 PM – "Knishes" aren’t so delicious … heeey, that rhymes … kind-of!
  • 7 PM – I’m so tired of Tweeting and Instagramming I wish I could poke myself in the eyes with a sharp stick
  • 9:30 PM – Okay, I mostly had a good time
  • 11:30 AM – People watching on their computer actually have it pretty good
  • 4:30 PM – I really enjoyed all these great New York Fashion Week shows, mostly!

Now if that’s not comprehensive, we’re just not sure what is!

Why Do We Still Have Fashion Week?

This brings us to an important question. Why do we still have fashion week? Surely, no one wants to wait 6 months to wear something? I mean, that’s a whole half-year (and that’s 10 years in dog or cat time, and maybe even 100 years in dolphin time, we don’t know!)

The press and buyers are saying there are too many shows, and that means too much cabbing and walking! Then you have to fly from New York to London, then to Milan, and then to Paris! And if that’s not everyone’s version of a human hell, we don’t know what is!

And then there’s the whole “endless-wait” issue. If you’re anything like most people, you probably want a new tennis outfit every couple of weeks. And you’ll need a top hat for the cotillion, and since those are held semi-weekly, you may need the one with the red bow, and also the one carved out of a single Osaka pearl.

Contrarians point out that there are still, roughly speaking, two main seasons on planet Earth (although at 96° in LA in mid-November, that may not be a “given” going forward). But, even with less seasonal extremes, you still don’t wear a swimsuit in January or a peacoat in mid-August. So, in broad strokes, the two seasons still make sense.

But the real issue (why not?) is: Why shouldn’t designers be able to release numerous collections throughout the year, instead of in these two awkward seasonal “blocks?”

They could, if not for the scourge of “fashion week”!

I mean, they could, if not for this scourge known as “fashion week”! You see, each designer would be totally embarrassed to showcase their designs in front of a world audience, and then also release other stuff. That’s right: Fashion week makes it impossible, probably.

Riddles of the Mind

Fortunately for us, we don’t pretend to have answers to these scintillating, important-type questions. Although a wise person once told us: “Most things are not mutually exclusive.”

Which sort of leads us to this:

Mutual Exclusivity?

Mutual exclusivity: unraveled!

What does it all mean? And how does it fit-in with Karlie Kloss and the logo from the latest Rolling Stones’ Greatest Hits?

Again, maybe it has to do with mutual exclusivity.

Or maybe we’re just having fun and gently celebrating something.

Sort of like fashion week.

What does it all mean? Might fashion week be a sort of celebration?

Who knows?

We would love to chime in, but we have to get back to the gnats in our bathroom.


Have gnats in your bathroom? Read: “Why Are There Gnats In My Bathroom?” You’ll learn a lot, maybe.

(Related: Attend New York Fashion Week 2014)

(Related: The Real Schedule! We’re sorry about that other thing.)

Article Name
New York Fashion Week Fall 2014
New York Fashion Week Fall 2014: The Definitive Guide

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